But the final decision is yours.
In these quotes some of them have always known that they were conceived with the help from a sperm donor. Others were told as adults. Here is how the reflect on what knowing or not knowing has influenced them:
“It’s a little weird because when you tell your middle school friends your dad was a sperm donor they all look at you like you were made in a lab.”
“Sperm donation is such a niche thing to do that I wonder what my biological Dad is really like. Sperm isn’t rare and difficult to extract like eggs so it makes me wonder why he thought he should donate sperm in the first place. Like, was he an egomaniac or was he broke or what?”
“The main thing I’ve wondered is how many half brothers and sisters I might have. As an only child I wondered this a lot when I was in middle school and I still wonder about it now. One? Twenty? More than the idea of meeting my biological father I’d love to meet any half siblings I might have. What has their life been like? Do they look like me? Would we recognize ourselves in one another? These are things I very much still think about.”
“My mother waited until last year when my father died of a heart attack to tell me that my biological dad was a sperm donor. I’ve only spoken to her once since then it made me so mad. I know that I will at some point but I’m just not there yet.”
“I’ve worked out my feelings about it now, but my parents made the terrible decision to not tell me that I was the result of sperm donation until I was nearly 17. It really, really messed me up emotionally and I didn’t come to grips with it until I was nearly out of college. I spent several years truly resenting my dad who loves me and was a wonderful father to me.”
“One thing that bothered me growing up and I don’t think she did it on purpose was that my mother always referred to my biological father as a ‘donor’ rather than as a person. It was unconscious but that made me feel like half of me wasn’t real somehow and I think a lot of depression I had during my teen years was because of this feeling.”
“Most people just assume that all sperm donors are anonymous and most are but you can choose to be an open donor or an anonymous donor. My biological dad chose to be an open donor. It wasn’t until I was nearly thirty that I actually decided to try to contact him and I’m glad that I did. I waited until I was married and had a family of my own before I did it though because I didn’t want meeting him to destabilize me emotionally any more than it had too. Turns out that he’s a great guy. My parents were a little worried about me meeting him at first but now I feel like I just have more family and meeting him did explain some things about my own life that I’d previously struggled with.”
Then and Now – What has changed?
The thoughts you have just read come from adult donor children, who were conceived 20 to 40 years ago.
Since then, many things have changed and many taboos about infertility and donor children have been broken down.
Remember – today many more than 100,000 donor children have been born around the world.
So not only is having children through insemination more and more common and usual now than just 20 years ago: Today, there are many more options for people seeking sperm donors. Much more information is available.
At European Sperm Bank you can get extended profiles for every donor with background story, hobbies and interests, family history, baby pictures, staff impression and both a handwritten letter and an audio interview.
This way, you as a parent have much more knowledge about the donor to share with your child, and you are equipped to answer more questions about who this person is and why you chose him.