Can you please give me a baby?

PictureRikke and her son (photo: Carsten Bundgaard)

Many women have babies on their own. Rikke Mønster from Copenhagen is one of them, and she shares her journey from getting the idea to giving birth with us right here.

“My name is Rikke. I am 42 and live in Copenhagen, Denmark.
It all started at a friend’s birthday party 6 years ago, when one of the other guests, whom I had known since the 5th grade suddenly said that she’d chosen to be a single mother and have a baby with the help of a sperm donor.
Without thinking, I heard myself say: “Me too!” This was in August of 2010 and by September 2011, I gave birth to my wonderful boy.


Can you please give me a baby?
I had no idea where to start, so I called my doctor and asked him if he could please give me a baby. The line went quiet – I could almost see my poor doctor desperately trying to make sense of what I had just said. Quickly, I explained to him what I meant, and we talked about how to approach this. He had never before had a patient who wished to be inseminated, but a week later he asked me to come by for a few tests. After that, he referred me to the fertility unit at a Herlev hospital near Copenhagen, where they performed more tests, which were not all that comfortable.  

What to choose?
During the process, I talked a lot with my friend, who initially planted the idea in my head. We discussed how to choose a sperm donor: What criteria to look for? Whether he should be an open or non-contact donor?
My friend chose an open donor, but I was not sure. I did not know when I was supposed to tell my child that he or she could get in touch with the donor: If I waited, would I be lying? If I told her or him from the start, would he or she spend too much time thinking and worrying about it? And if my child wanted to meet the donor, what if he was dead? Or lived too close by? 
I did not know how to answer all those questions and I did not know how I would handle these situations. And I believe that you have to make the decision that is right for you – so I chose a non-contact donor. 

At the clinic, I was asked if I had any preferences regarding e.g. height, hair colour, so they could order an appropriate sperm donor from the sperm bank
I chose a sperm donor with very regular features, but with darker hair and eyes, hoping that he would level out my very pale skin, hoping that my child would not be as sensible to sunlight as me – I cannot even look at the weather report without getting a sun burn. 

Fingers crossed
Before my first insemination in September, the clinic had asked me to give myself hormone injections, which I had done. But when the day came, my eggs were gone, and all I could do was go home and start over. I made a new appointment in late November without the hormone injections and I crossed fingers and toes that it would work this time, so I would not have go home and wait again.
This time, my eggs were fine and the insemination went well. The doctor told me, that if the insemination did not take, we would try again with hormones in January. I told him not to worry about it, because I was already pregnant. I just knew it!

And I was!! I had my wonderful and very pale skinned baby boy the following September, and I could not be happier!”

Want more?
 If you want, you can read more articles about Rikke (in Danish) in Mama.dk and Eurowoman.dk

Remember:
At European Sperm Bank we are thinking about the future – the future of you and your child. If, like Rikke, you have doubts about any decision along the way, you can always call ur or send an e-mail. We are right here!

//posted by Michael, Communications Specialist at European Sperm Bank