Open eller Non-contact (anonym) sæddonor? Dette skal du overveje, når du vælger sæddonor.

Der er flere ting, du skal tage stilling til, når du vælger at få et barn med hjælp fra en sæddonor. Et spørgsmål du uden tvivl kommer til at stille dig selv er, hvordan vælger jeg, om sæddonoren skal være Open eller Non-contact (anonym)? Valget får senere indflydelse på dit barns mulighed for at få sæddonorens identitet udleveret.

For at give dig de bedst mulige forudsætninger, for at vælge den type donor der er rigtig for din familie, har vi spurgt psykolog, Henriette Cranil, til råds. Henriette Cranil har specialiseret sig i at vejlede solomødre til børn af sæddonorer.

Hvad er forskellen på Open og Non-contact (anonym) sæddonor?

Den eneste forskel der er mellem en Open sæddonor, og en Non-contact sæddonor, er muligheden for, at dit barn kan få sæddonorens identitet udleveret, når barnet bliver myndigt. Uanset om du vælger en Open eller Non-contact (anonym) sæddonor, kan du få de samme detaljerede oplysninger om sæddonoren. En donorprofil indeholder blandt andet beskrivelser af donorens helbred og familiens sygdomshistorik, personlige og fysiske karakteristika, mv. Du kan læse mere om donorprofilerne her.

Open sæddonor

• Detaljerede oplysninger om sæddonoren i en online donorprofil
• Når dit barn fylder 18 år, kan barnet kontakte sædbanken og få udleveret donors identitet. Det er kun barnet, der kan få donors identitet at vide

Non-contact (anonym) sæddonor

• Samme detaljerede oplysninger om sæddonoren som gør sig gældende for Open donorer
• En Non-contact (anonym) sæddonor ønsker ikke at udlevere sin identitet

Hvordan vælger jeg, om sæddonoren skal være Open eller Non-contact (anonym)?

Der er intet rigtigt eller forkert valg, når du skal vælge mellem en Open eller Non-contact sæddonor. Begge donortyper er lige meningsfulde. Når du træffer valget mellem en Open og en Non-contact sæddonor, skal du være bevidst om, at du tager et valg på vegne af dit barn, som ikke kan gøres om. En sæddonor kan ikke skifte fra at være Non-contact, til at blive Open sæddonor, eller omvendt. Det er derfor en god idé, at du tænker begge muligheder igennem, og gør dig det klart, hvorfor du vælger, som du gør.

Hvad betyder valget af sæddonor for mit barn?

Ifølge psykolog Henriette Cranil, påvirker det ene valg ikke dit barn mere positivt eller negativt, end det andet: “Dit barn påvirkes af mange forskellige omstændigheder, relationer, og betingelser, og bliver ved med at udvikle sig hele deres liv. Børns identitet bliver i høj grad påvirket af alle de mange faktorer, der rent faktisk er til stede i deres liv – forældre, eventuelle søskende, institutionsliv, skolegang, og graden af omsorg og inddragelse, for blot at nævne nogle få af faktorerne. Dit barn kan, med andre ord, blive påvirket ad andre veje, end lige præcis det, at der er tale om en sæddonor, man aldrig vil få et personligt forhold til” fortæller Henriette Cranil.

Om du vælger en Open eller Non-contact donor, er helt op til dig, men vi råder dig til at være afklaret med beslutningen, og at turde tage samtalerne, når dit barn begynder at stille spørgsmål. Med årsagerne bevidst har du et godt udgangspunkt for at give dit kommende barn gode og velovervejede svar om dit valg.

Kommer mit valg af sæddonor til at påvirke mit barn?

Det er helt naturligt, at dit barn vil komme til at stille spørgsmål, der handler om deres biologiske ophav. Det kan være spørgsmål som, “Hvor har jeg mine læbers form fra?” eller, “Hvor har jeg mit særlige temperament fra?”. Og mere reflekterende: “Ved sæddonoren, at jeg eksisterer?”. Mange af disse spørgsmål er besvaret i de donorprofiler, som er tilgængelige for forældre og børn og er ens for både Open og Non-contact sæddonorer. Opstår der spørgsmål, som ikke kan besvares her, har hverken børn af Open eller Non-contact donorer krav på at få deres spørgsmål besvaret af donoren. En Open donor forpligter sig kun til at udlevere sin identitet – ikke til en relation med børnene.

Henriette Cranil fortæller, at det generelt for disse børn er vigtigt, at de lærer at acceptere, at de er børn af en sæddonor. De skal lære at forholde sig til, at de ikke kender deres biologiske ophav, og for børn af en non-contact sæddonor gælder det også, at de ikke vil have mulighed for at få hans identitet udleveret.

“Det kan være en gradvis proces at acceptere, at man er barn af en donor, og det kan hjælpe børn af en donor at dele processen med en fortrolig, der respekterer og deltager i refleksionerne. Børnenes følelser skal imødekommes, accepteres og støttes. En del af denne støtte kan være blot at lytte til tankerne og følelserne. En anden del af støtten kan være at deltage i refleksionerne: Hvorfor optager spørgsmålet dig? Og hvordan ville det være, hvis du kendte svaret?” fortæller Henriette Cranil.

Vær ærlig om barnets ophav, uanset hvad du vælger

Det helt afgørende for dit barns trivsel og identitetsfølelse er, at der er åbenhed om barnets ophav hos de nærmeste, fortæller Henriette Cranil. At barnet kender til sit ophav, og at du som forælder kan rumme både de positive og de negative tanker og spørgsmål.

“Vi ved, at det kan være svært for et barn, hvis forældrene holder det hemmeligt, at de er barn af en sæddonor – eller at far ikke var den far, man troede. Det kan få indflydelse på børnenes identitetsfølelse,” forklarer Henriette Cranil.

Grunden til at hemmeligheden kan påvirke børnenes identitetsfølelse er, at der er tale om et grundlæggende tillidsbrud, og en livs- og identitetshistorie, der skal skrives helt forfra. Henriette Cranil råder derfor forældre til børn af en sæddonor til at tale åbent med barnet, om deres biologiske ophav, allerede fra 2-års alderen. På den måde bliver det, at være kommet til verden ved hjælp af en sæddonor, en integreret del af barnets livsfortælling helt fra starten.

“Dialogen med de helt små børn, omkring hvor de kommer fra, bør være enkel og faktuel. Senere i barnets udvikling kan samtalen indeholde flere tanker, følelser, og måske kritik, som en sund del af det at vokse op med donorbaggrund som livsvilkår,” afslutter Henriette Cranil.

I decided to use a sperm donor

Our newest blogger, Henriette Cranil, is a psychologist and mother of two 7 year-old twins conceived with help from a sperm donor. As a psychologist, Henriette has made it one of her specialities to advise singles and couples in having children with a sperm donor. She helps find solutions to the many questions and dilemmas that rise when they consider conceiving with the help from a donor. 

This is Henriette’s story.

WHEN I was in my early 30’s I began to imagine how it would be to become a mother. The pictures in my head became more and more defined and I started to see images of myself as a mother. I also began to stop and look at children’s clothes and teddy bears. I knew a lesbian couple who were pregnant at the time with help from a sperm donor. They were flying on cloud nine, completely consumed with bliss and happiness. To me it was amazing to witness, and I was wildly inspired.

During that time, I was single, happy and in a really good place in my career as a psychologist. Summer came, I was 34 years old and I asked myself what I was really waiting for in regards to becoming a mother? The answer was, of course, a boyfriend in a “the love of my life”-way but that kind of love doesn’t necessarily appear exactly when you want it. Therefore, I decided to change the order and instead become a mother on my own and subsequently bet on – hopefully sometime – meeting a lovely boyfriend.

Becoming pregnant, becoming a mother

From here on things moved quickly and a few months later I was pregnant. When I reached 5-6 weeks of pregnancy, I went to have the first scan at the Hospital. This was the moment I got one of my life’s greatest and best surprises: there were two beating hearts. I was expecting twins! Today I am the mother of a boy and a girl of 7½ years. 7½ intense, wild, enriching, changing, different, fun, loving and sometimes exhausting, years.

The decision to become a mother on my own was easy for me, but I also went through a lot of considerations during the process. Should I choose an anonymous or open donor? What if it turns out I cannot get pregnant? What is it like growing up without a father? How will the outside world react? How do you talk to the children about it? How do we get by every day? How would it be for a future boyfriend to be involved in this little family?

Let’s share knowledge

I will regularly be discussing questions like these and many others on the blog. Today, I have made it one of my specialties as a psychologist to advise singles and couples in becoming parents through a donor – throughout the journey from the reflection phase to the many phases of questions and dilemmas you meet as parents.

I look forward to sharing thoughts, questions and suggestions for answers and hopefully inspire you to lots of courage, ideas and good decisions!

l’European Sperm Bank vous invite à une réunion d’information à Paris

Nous vous présenterons les différentes techniques de procréation médicalement assistée (telles que l’insémination et la FIV) ainsi que les différents types de don de sperme et la différence entre un donneur anonyme et un donneur ouvert.

La réunion se tiendra en français.

Vous aurez la possibilité de poser toutes vos questions, tant générales que personnelles, pour bien vous préparer à prendre votre décision.

Lors de la réunion, l’European Sperm Bank sera représentée par Lilian Jørgensen, coordinatrice donateurs á ESB et Giulia, sagefemme de la clinique de fertilité Vitanova. Ensemble, nous voulons vous aider à bien vous préparer en répondant à toutes vos questions.

Notre prochaine réunion aura lieu le 07. Juin 2018 de 19H30 a 22H00 á :

Hotel Turenne le Marais, 6 Rue de Turenne- 75004 Paris

Pour toute question, n’hésitez pas à nous contacter!

My husband was a sperm donor

Emma’s husband became a sperm donor at European Sperm Bank before she met him. She wants people to know that the deed of a sperm donor is just as noble as those who donate their blood. She is immensely proud of her husband! But the fact is that many women do not want their partners to be sperm donors, and they are sometimes shocked when they find out that their partner could already have fathered multiple children around the world.

“I donated my sperm…”

I had been going out with my then boyfriend for two months when he suddenly mentioned that he had something serious to tell me. As I was madly in love, I was petrified that he was going to break up with me, but he said, and I clearly remember even though its many years ago: “I believe you and I are going to be together forever, so I need you to know that I was a sperm donor a few years ago”.

I didn’t take it lightly at first – him being a sperm donor, but I must also say that I am incredibly proud that he made the choice of giving a little bit of himself in order to help others. I have both friends, family and colleagues who have struggled to conceive. Before I fell pregnant myself, I actually worried a lot about if this was even possible. We hear a lot about fertility issues in the media. In fact, we hear about it so much that we easily forget that most people luckily, do not have any problems conceiving. But still, what if no one wanted to donate their sperm? What about the families where the man has been diagnosed with cancer and become infertile as a result? What about those who suffer from azoospermia or diseases that are preventing them for having children? Or what about lesbians and their hopes and dreams of having children?

It’s not a taboo, it’s amazing!

I honestly have a hard time figuring out WHY so many women do not want their men to donate sperm, and I cannot help thinking “What if it was YOU? What if you couldn’t have the child you’ve always dreamt of having?”

This goes for both of us, we do not consider children born resulting from my husband’s sperm as our children, or even half siblings to our own children. I know some women would think a lot about “the other children”, but I firmly believe that these other children have a magnificent family where my husband doesn’t play any other role than being “the man that made this possible”. I do like the idea though of sperm donors being open and for the children to be able to contact them, but it’s just not something I think about on a daily basis.

We haven’t been super open about it. It still feels like a private thing and really, my husband did it to help others and there isn’t much else to it. I can say for sure, that I do not worry one bit about any “consequences” of my husband donating his sperm. We have our own family and I feel certain his data is protected by the sperm bank.

What can YOU do?

Are you interested in becoming a sperm donor, or do you know anyone who may be? Please take a look at our website to find out more or call us at +4588771757. Our donor coordinators are ready for any questions you might have! If you are considering using a sperm donor, please do not hesitate to contact us at info@europeanspermbank.com.

Summer is here! Time to relax and reflect

Picture

Things have a way of slowing down during summer.

​But thoughts about having a child are just as strong and pertinent as ever.

We do our best to provide you with answers to the questions you might have.

No matter where you are in the process, there is advice and shared experiences relevant to you right here.


You’ve probably already visited our company website https://www.europeanspermbank.com. Here you can access all the practical information about how to purchase donor sperm – and you can find your donor directly in the donor search.

But perhaps you are wondering what others in your situation do or how they approach finding a donor? Read some stories from other women here or go directly to some of the articles:

  • If you are considering to travel to another country to get your treatment,
    you should read about Sandra’s experiences.

To give you the best chances of getting pregnant, European Sperm Bank offers  sperm donors in perfect health with a very high sperm count.  You may be interested in how we select, test and screen our sperm donor candidates? Well, here you can learn about how tough our screening process is.

Our role as your sperm bank is to assist you in making the right choices for you. We do this directly by email or telephone, and by sharing our knowledge on this blog.

We want to give you advice that can make a difference in your life. We give life to your choice.

//posted by Stinne and MichaelEuropean Sperm Bank